Track 01
Two Stops from Upton Park
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Two Stops from Upton Park
As in Barking - Barking Mad after the asylum that used to be there. Not my expression - I heard it first a year or so ago but it has all the hallmarks of classic London slang - the meaning twice removed from what is actually said, in the same way that the best rhyming slang doesn't use the rhyme anymore...
I do claim Jacksons as my own, however... coined a couple of years ago when I was banned from using the long B word to describe government initiatives...
..and I was actually born one stop from Upton Park (and lived just off the Barking Road, come to that)... so I have the right!
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E F# B Bb A G E (G)E
He’s got a second hand whistle, nifty titfa on his bonce
Whistle and flute - suit | TitforTat - hat | …head…
Making with the pearlies like a greasy nonce
…smiling… | …child molester…
Says he’s got a gaff down by the Cutty Sark
…place to live….| ..old ship in dry dock at Greenwich…
More like…. two stops from Upton Park
… Barking Mad…
He’s got this floosie, a partridge short of a brace
…lady of dubious nature…|..somewhat lacking in intellect…
She’s been knocking back bacardis till she’s off her face
…exceedingly drunk….
She’s not exactly state of the art… in fact she’s
… not in the finest condition…
… two stops from Upton Park
A E A F# B B DD B
They’re just about as Kosher as a nine bob note
…a non-existent banknote from the pre-decimal era…
Straight as a corkscrew or a postal vote
…ie not at all…
Whatever you think you’ll be wide of the mark
Because they’re… two stops from Upton Park
Here he come again, he’s not just acting the part
Talking Jacksons* – and I don’t mean art
…..Jackson Pollocks - Bollocks….
If you think he’s straight you must be having a lark
Cos he’s two stops from Upton Park
… and I’m not talking West Ham, if you get my drift…